 Another morning...
It's a funny thing, working a job that doesn't give a steady, predictable paycheck. Driving a cab is like being a professional gambler... you take your cab out, and you go out on the streets, and you just have to work with whatever the streets and/or dispatch deal you. And, as anyone who's ever gambled more than a single dollar at a time knows, when luck starts to slip, it hurts, and it's hard not to become an asshole over it. The crazy thing about it, though, is that people seem to think that we should be polite, and courteous, as the streets bleed us dry... like McDonald's employees. I ran across this very delusion, yet again, one morning. A call came up at the Motel 6 out by the Oakland Airport. As luck would have it, I happened to be dropping off at the airport at the time, and since this Motel 6 was along my route to the nearest cabstand... I took the call. The Motel 6 out by the Oakland Airport is in this strange area though, right between the nice airport and some of the worst ghettos in the city. And, being the cheapest of the many many motels in the area, it's become the area's favorite flop house for dealers, hookers, gangstas, players... and all the rest of them. So popular that they had to build a kiosk at the entrance to the parking lot and hire round the clock security to monitor the traffic that comes in and out. Needless to say, it doesn't provide much in the way of reliable or profitable cab business. So I pull up, and the security guy comes out and takes down the license plate of my cab, and comes to the window to ask me what room am I coming for. "Naah, I ain't got a room. Dude's supposed to be in the office, so I'm just gonna pull up and honk real quick..." At this point though, Dude looks up from his clipboard, leaving off the complicated esoterica of whatever forms have been devised to keep the undesirables out, and he looks me in the eyes and says "No, you're not gonna do any honking. There's still people sleeping in the rooms." Now, granted, it was something like 10 minutes to 8... so, ok... I figure I can be cool and not honk... "Ok," I say, "I'll just wave real friendly-like... and if no one comes out by the time I've turned around, then I'll just leave their asses...", and I ignore his continuing stare, and I drive the 5 yards to the office. By the time I've turned around, I look up and see Security Man is still staring at me in that special self-righteous way security guys have. So I figure he's watching to make sure I don't honk, which I'd decided I wasn't gonna do anyway. So I ignore him, and glance into the office. There's a guy there... but at first he's not paying any attention to me. "Great", I'm thinking... "another asshole who calls for a cab from this shithole, and disappears inside of 10 minutes..." And as I'm thinking it, this security asshole actually starts walking over to me, obviously strained with the effort of trying to compose a lecture and walk at the same time. I just watch him, wondering what sort of dumbshit lecture I'm gonna have to put up with. Sure enough he comes up to the window of the cab (hell no, I hadn't gotten out of the cab to look for the fare... with the assholes that call from this Motel 6, it isn't worth the effort), and he looks me in the eyes, and with a completely straight face he tells me "You know, with an attitude like that, you don't have to come onto the property." I just stared at him for a second, wondering what the fuck he's talking about. I hadn't honked... but then it starts to dawn on me, it wasn't enough that I not honk, I was supposed to be excited by the prospect of his approval, his letting me past, or something like that. Luckily for the poor fool in the office who'd called to try to get to the airport, he'd spotted me and started waving wildly for me to stay. So, instead of saying "good point, fuckhead..." and squealing the tires on my way back out the driveway, I just said "Yeah..." He apparently thought I was confused, rather than amused, because he explained himself further. "I can just call another cab you know..." he told me, as if I was supposed to beg him to reconsider over a $10 fare to the airport. "Go ahead..." I answered calmly, without bothering to leave. What he didn't seem to understand was that if I left, and he called another cab, his little security kingdom had such a bad rep with the cabbies that he wasn't liable to get another cab inside of half an hour, maybe not even inside of an hour... and the slower it was, the longer it was gonna take- because no driver in the area was liable to give up a spot in a cabstand to come to his little shit hole of a motel. If I left, dude wasn't gonna make it to the airport for a long time... After a while in the business, any cabbie worth a damn learns to make these sort of fuzzy logic computations in 2-10 seconds... and stick by whatever wild guess we make. Luckily the fare was coming out of the office by now, so Security Man gave up on his attempts to put me in my place before he'd pissed me off enough to make me return the favor. As he wandered off though, shaking his head in disgust at how low the American Ideal of Service had sunk, I couldn't help calling after him "You know, with an attitude like that, I really don't have to come onto the property..." My fare was a nice enough guy though, so I was glad I didn't leave him swinging in the breeze. Despite his idiotic grinning. It must have been contagious though... 'cause as I pulled out of the parking lot, I found myself grinning at Security Man too. He didn't smile back. He just mumbled something about "... fucking asshole cabdrivers, blah blah...". I couldn't take it anymore, I just started laughing, and yelled "Right back at ya, big guy...". If dude wanted any respect from me, he was gonna have to get himself a real badge... Looking back on it though, I only wish I had thought to answer his threats by saying "you know, you're kind of cute when you get angry...", or maybe telling him he looked like Denzel Washington, despite the fact he was white. Or maybe I should've told him he looked like a pimp I'd picked up the week before... You see, the most important thing to remember as I drive that cab around town all day is that I'm not a McDonald's employee. Smiles aren't free, and there's no half-wit swing manager looking over my shoulder to make sure I don't jeopardize a $2 sale. If I'm in a dubious mood, then you better not try putting me in my place with threats to call corporate headquarters... cause it ain't there... and I'll throw your ass out in the middle of the ghetto. Remembering that just makes it all better... that and the feeling of being free to yell back at the assholes who seem to think I'll get in trouble for it. Or for throwing their asses out on the street. the Old Waybills there's No Place Like Home... You've gotta be shitting me Alex |